I have been playing with the idea to talk about this for a while now. I didn't know if it would be appropriate. I was scared that I would make people uncomfortable, especially the people who know me and love me. But after today's general conference and Elder Holland's amazing inspired talk, I know that it is alright.
I am suffering from depression. I have been for a long time and recently it has been pushed over the edge so that I sought professional help. (Which is free because my school is awesome). I have always had a genetic predisposition of getting depression and I am pretty sure it has been plaguing me since before high school.
Depression sucks. Some days I don't want to do anything. Other days I am sick because of the stress churning in my stomach. Other days I cry, and I have a hard time stopping. It can come at anytime, be triggered by anything, and affect me in any number of ways.
As mentioned before, I am in therapy. It's hard. I have to talk about the things that I am so used to keeping to myself. The flaws in my personality and the traumas of my past are things I keep locked in a box, behind a steel door, bolted shut and chained in a corner of my heart, are things that only I (and maybe my parents) know about. Now I am sharing them with a complete stranger that is there to complete their masters program. And right after all of that turmoil, I get to go to work and pretend that I'm okay and upbeat. Those days are the hardest.
With all the problems that occur in my life because of my mental illness, The Lord blesses me enormously. Take today for example. Before conference everyone says, "Go into conference with a prayer of something you want help with, or a principle that you want more understanding of." And every time they said this I tried to think about what I needed. Depression never crossed my mind. I was doing all that I could to help myself deal with it, therapy, scripture study, righteousness, etc. I thought that what I would need from this conference was how to deal with missing people, or jealousy. I was mistaken. Ever since the words "mental illness" came out of Elder Holland's mouth, I knew this was the talk meant for me. And so I realized that I had made a prayer, a prayer I didn't even knew I said. My tender heart prayed for help. Help to feel safe in confiding my problems to others and to know that I was not alone in my issues. And to know that it will get better. To know that I will have all the blessings of the gospel and that I will overcome all of my trials.
There is something for everyone in General Conference, if they will but listen and accept the counsel given.
I blog these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, as his disciple. Amen.
-Korrin
Korrin, that is the talk that hit me the hardest also! I had no idea what he was going to talk about, but I knew I HAD to sit and listen. Wow! What an amazing message! I have suffered with depression for many years. Some people have just said it's a weakness. I don't believe that one bit! There is so much help out there for us with this darn depression!!! Good for you for seeking help!!! I'm always here if you need a listening ear :) I sure love keeping in touch with you and Kylie!!! Love your blog!
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