Growing Up Kinda Sucks

8/17/13
So it's official, I have one week left until I move back up to college. You think that I wouldn't be nervous, because I've done this before, I survived a year of it already. But no, I am irrationally terrified of going back to school. I always get nervous before a new year of school, I have since I was 6, but this feeling is almost as bad as it was last year. Transferring form High School to College is a very scary thing, it was hard to leave the comfort of home to live with people my age and be responsible for everything. And I feel the same kind of apprehension that I had last year.  It doesn't help that I have a monster of a first week.
The first week of school do I not only have all new classes to go to, I also have work training from 3:00 p.m.- 9:00 p.m. Monday- Thursday.  This isn't bad because most of my classes are over before 1:15 right? Except for the night Math 1050 class I signed up for so that I can somewhat get back on track for my major. It goes from 6-8 Tuesdays and Thursdays. Luckily, I have the best job ever and my bosses are probably some of the greatest people I have ever met and they work with students all the time so we were able to work something out. But that means that I will basically be gone from 7 in the morning till 9 at night all week. If I don't pass out it will be a miracle.
 I don't get how people can do this all the time! Some people "get married to their work" and they have those same kinds of hours that I will have in two weeks. I love my job and I still don't want to go all that time. I want to have time to relax and get used to my new apartment. I want to spend time with Hammy, my roommate, and if I have two other roommates, get to know them so that I can live with them for a year. I just want it to be November. Is it November yet?
Given, I don't feel as terrible as I did last Monday. As you know, Monday was a hard day because of the news that Emily's book was lost. If you read Kylie's post about it, you pretty much will see all of the emotions that I felt. Especially the whole "acting like someone died," because I really did cry just as much as i did when my Grammie died last April. Since then I had a kind of crisis week. Monday was terrible most of the day. It got infinitely better when Hammy came over to talk about supplies and we played games. I was so angry and upset that all of our hard work had not reached Emily.  But through Em's strong testimony and talking to people about it, I came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father had another plan for that book. (It was actually really interesting talking to Kylie about it. Our parents were basically receiving all of the revelation to calm us down. Kylie and I couldn't get it because, despite Emily's plea, we were super mad.)  This news coupled with my training schedule and my building seperation anxiety, I was not a happy camper this week.
 But Wednesday, my Daddy gave me a blessing. Obviously I'm not going to tell you what was said. It's kinda personal. I am so glad that I have the ability to have that kind of communication with Heavenly Father through my earthly father. I got so much comfort from that blessing. It addressed so much more than I had actually thought of in a while. I know that I will be looked after this next year and that if I work hard I can be a better person at the end of it with The Lord's guidance. I have a lot of things to work on, mostly forgiving myself for making mistakes and to believe that I can be loved, no matter how imperfect I may be. I am so grateful for the Priesthood in my life so that I can get this kind of comfort so readily. That may be a part of my anxiety...not knowing if I can easily find priesthood to give me blessings, it was kinda hard last year.
So now I feel better than I did six days ago. Still nervous and procrastinating packing as much as humanly possible, but better. I make things so much worse in my head than they actually are.

-Korrin